I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
