1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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