I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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