I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
