I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
