Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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