one word: firstdatebathroomanal
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
