I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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