i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We need a shit load of segways right now
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
