Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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