another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
