he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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