I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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