so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
