It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
