while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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