my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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