omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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