1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I wanna passion pit in your ass
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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