textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
