Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
