did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
