Sponge bath it is.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
