I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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