She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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