The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
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I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
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Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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