Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
