he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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