I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Randomize
