Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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