He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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