Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
