It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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