when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I pour the whiskey from now on
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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