She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
