I smell stomach acid.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
