Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
