i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
