So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
