she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
