It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
