I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Non-Jews are for practice
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
