Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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