it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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