Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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