I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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