I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
