Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
