I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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