Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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