what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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