i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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