its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
