doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
