it was like his penis was on wheels.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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