Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
