And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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