its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
