You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
