idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
