i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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