just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
