My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
