So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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