We're facebook friends in real life
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
