the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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