Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
