I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
