I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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