You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
