Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
