The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
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I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
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And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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