from now on my penis is your penis
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
