am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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