saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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