I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
