Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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