At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
