What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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