Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
