I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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