She's JV to your varsity
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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