And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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