we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
